would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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