is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
