I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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