I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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