I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
