this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
