Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So drunk its hurt
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
