He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
