just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
