I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
