i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize