How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
