Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he shaved USA in his pubs
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
