friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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