Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
