ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
