there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
