Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
