I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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