next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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