Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
