Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
