I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
