Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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