The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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