office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
