if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
