i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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