What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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