Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
