The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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