i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
