I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
