So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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