My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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