it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
