she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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