p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fill condoms, not promises.
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