wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
