then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
