I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
