Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
