So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
3 2 1 whiskey
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
