If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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