when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
only you would photoshop your dick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Randomize
