You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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