FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
