We're facebook friends in real life
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
