It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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