Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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