i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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