Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
