peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
