I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
