you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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