no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
