More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
