u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
