Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think people are normalizing furries
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
