question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
