While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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