I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
