Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
