saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
