Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
