This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
