If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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